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Thread: Bad jokes :P

  1. #1
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    Default Bad jokes :P

    And that's how the fight started.....

    1: When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
    expensive...so, I took her to a gas station...and that's how the fight
    started...

    2: I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
    would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how
    the fight started...

    3: After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
    Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
    license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left
    my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
    have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your
    shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
    'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
    processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly
    told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said,
    'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability,
    too'. And that's how the fight started...

    4: My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
    kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
    nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my
    old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
    those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!'
    says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
    And that's how the fight started...

    5: I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
    and slowly the other driver got out of hi s car. You know how sometimes
    you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well
    I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
    looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at
    him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight
    started...

    6: I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
    order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said,
    'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
    And that's how the fight started...



    Quote Originally Posted by Parity
    "Dear Iceland, we said "Send cash" not "Send ash""
    Quote Originally Posted by Avienda
    Im a little selfish

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    lol, me and Avi had a pretty good laugh!

    Quote Originally Posted by Avienda View Post
    The world as we know it would split into two.
    Some would use it to better their lives and the other half would use it for facebook.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kheiron;
    Let all who threaten us share the experience of their deaths.
    Shared dream, shared knowledge, shared existence.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    Yeah thats was funny, nice find Taz.
    <Oromea|Tais> What is the meaning of life, answer in 25 words or less.
    <Oromea|Vadriel> get drunk, make babies and die. 6 words Tais!

    Quote Originally Posted by Calania View Post
    ....I suspect Tais may have saved my life on some occasions

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    (semi racsits sry)

    You know you're Taliban if...

    You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

    You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

    You have more wives than teeth.

    You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

    You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

    You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

    You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.



    Quote Originally Posted by Parity
    "Dear Iceland, we said "Send cash" not "Send ash""
    Quote Originally Posted by Avienda
    Im a little selfish

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    Hehe, I laughed ^^

    Quote Originally Posted by Rossco View Post
    Your personality on the internet reminds me of my personality in real life. Laziness, not overly caring, but still - by some unimaginable feat - devoted to absolutely nothing in the hopes that you can fly right through the boring shit and get into the interesting part of life. Sorry, that interesting part is childhood, and this isn't monopoly, you only pass go once.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    You are so not PC(politically Correct)!! Damn you!!! *waves fist*

    (Good ones btw. )
    Quote Originally Posted by Calania View Post
    No, it's awesome, I can reach out and touch Eildryn whenever I want

    Quote Originally Posted by Raemythrah View Post
    Who says avi won't try having her nipples electrocuted? ;D


  7. #7
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    BTW, how can it be semi-racist to wail on terrorists? Are talibans a unique race of their own? And if so, why aren't they extinct?
    Quote Originally Posted by Calania View Post
    No, it's awesome, I can reach out and touch Eildryn whenever I want

    Quote Originally Posted by Raemythrah View Post
    Who says avi won't try having her nipples electrocuted? ;D


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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

    A horrible boating accident.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    Quote Originally Posted by Mal'nael View Post
    BTW, how can it be semi-racist to wail on terrorists? Are talibans a unique race of their own? And if so, why aren't they extinct?
    Well actually. The taliban is not a race its an Islamist militant and political group that uses terrorism as its main tact. So jokes could be considered political humor.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kheiron View Post
    Twilight, one idiots heart wrenching decision between necrophilia and bestiality.
    Oh, oh, oh and Tais went to see it in the cinema.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Bad jokes :P

    Thanks Avi. I had no idea of what kinda group the most famous terrorist group in the world was...

    Quote Originally Posted by Calania View Post
    No, it's awesome, I can reach out and touch Eildryn whenever I want

    Quote Originally Posted by Raemythrah View Post
    Who says avi won't try having her nipples electrocuted? ;D


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